so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
