you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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