It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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