home. puking in laundry basket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
