I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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