Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
