I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
