look no pants
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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