Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
