I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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