Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
