So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
