What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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