I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She said her name was "party"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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