so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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