When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
