i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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