so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
