I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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