my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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