Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
