Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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