fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
