the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
