That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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