god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize