Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
