between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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