hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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