We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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