I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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