Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
