How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize