there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
