I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Found your dick twin last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
