is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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