I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
