I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
