She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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