i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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