I CAN MOONWALK!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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