Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
