At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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