How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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