god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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