My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
