So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
