Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
