What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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