I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
