We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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