i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
