When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
