After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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