I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
